so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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