we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
