She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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