I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
