Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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