just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
