With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
