it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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