is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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