U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
