Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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