So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
how drunk are you?
Several
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
