what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
