she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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