you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
