I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
