Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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