I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
