we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
