We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
