I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
