I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
