I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
