I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she told me i tasted like america
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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