I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
