All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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