you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
