She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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