i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
