she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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