you win again, gameday.
My pussy is not your playground.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
