I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
