Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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