Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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