I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
