you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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