I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
