I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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