Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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