So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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