if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
