How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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