All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
