Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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