im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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