you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
