The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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