If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
