So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wear drunk well.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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