ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
