i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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