She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
