Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
