He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
