Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
