You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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