how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
