I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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