So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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