how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
